I never even knew I had two strikes. I never even knew life was played out like baseball or wrestling, with stipulations and outs. Yet, that's basically what it came down to last night. Tom and I got into a fight 'cause I made a mistake. The same mistake I've been making my whole life that comes out of my insanity that no one could understand unless they'd lived it.

I told Tom I was going to drop Cassie off at work. No, he didn't get mad about it. Yet, he had that weirdness that he often gets.. like that jealousy thing. I can't stand jealousy. Yet, I understand that it is Human Nature. Cassie is my ex-b/f's current fiancee and she is also pregnant with his baby boy due next month. Although she keeps telling Nick and I that we are going to make her go into labor. lol. SO, Cassie does not like Tom. Tom wants to go everywhere with me. I decided to lie about picking her up from work later yesterday afternoon/evening because I wanted to AVOID a fight. Technically, that's just the way I am built. It's a defense mechanism that had me crying myself to sleep last night. I said I had to go babysit my cousins when in all actuality I picked Cassie up from work and brought her home. Tom found out I was there. At Nick's house. Which means. I'm with Cassie and Nick. Tommy no likey.

No one can understand that even though, yes, Nick is my ex. I don't look at him that way. He is my brother/best friend of 19 years. He's known me since before I was born. He knew my mother when she was pregnant with me. Our mother's were friends in high school and now are no more. So, was I wrong? No. Was I at fault? I'm not that naive to say I wasn't, but, it wasn't all mine. And that my friends is where we shatter.

So, I have these rules. I can't lie when I want to talk to Nick or Cassie. I can't lie when they text. I can't lie when they call. I can't lie when I am going over there. All because it's Nick's. Like a guy and girl can't really JUST BE FRIENDS. It is possible.

Nick suggested I talk to my mom. Which isn't something I do to often. I'm waiting. Waiting..and thinking.

Next strike. I'm out. 'Cause I was asked to choose between two of my best friends or my fiance. When I wouldn't choose. 'Cause I'd never ask him to do that. I got the above "rules". Then, next time. If there is a next time. I'm out.
T_T